Mia G. Mahoney

In the midnight, January, all the room looked pretty scary,
I ketp mourning in the darkness, only candle there with me,
and while crying, hardly sobbing, my head so extremely throbbing,
I heard some noise, strangely comming, walking outside, botherin´ me,
„Maybe beggar,“ said to myself, „comming just to bother me…
And I´m sure, he wants some fee.“

I just wanted him to leave me, persuade that eyes deceive me,
but my body wasn´t moving, I was unable to see…
Desperately longed for morrow, bury myself in new sorrow,
some sad books for me to borrow, borrow just to sadden me
Like I hadn´t my own sorrows, I wanted more to sadden me
cry my eyes… and just for thee.

And I shivered, again hoping, near the hellgate my soul sloping,
eyelids filled with tears for Phillip because he doesn´t love me,
heart of mine was hardly beating, and I still kept myself cheating,
wasn´t ready for the meeting, meeting that strange destiny.
That he has another woman – that was my cursed destiny.
´Tis the truth it has to be.

And suddenly I was standing, ran the stairs to second landing,
„Who is there?“ I called, still hoping it is you surprising me.
„Because of you I am hopeless, so open the door and –God bless!
I will stand here for you, topless; topless, naked, just for thee!
And I beg you – take the jewel, take me as I am and see,
here I am only for thee!“

Then I reached the doorknob gently, opened the door very faintly,
scanned the grounds where darknes laid and where you were supposed to stay.
I called your name, my heart wounded, you must know you really pounded
pounded, broke and left it alone… and for nothing here I pray.
Not believer, so I don´t know, actually, why I pray.
Prayer is just words to say.

Suddenly cold breeze blew stronger, I was standing there no longer.
Uncertain fear filled my body, I shivered and closed the door.
„What the hell for me was coming?!“ I was really scared – no hamming!
I ran through my house, doors slamming, I felt pain and I felt sore.
Back to chamber, window open, fresh night air banish that sore.
Only breathing, nothing more.

Then I sat down, my head turning on the candle that was burning,
wax was dripping on the table, forming in a skull with grin.
Couldn´t resist, I had to shiver, with a terror, sudden fever
overtook my stomach, livers… and I knew it´s ´bout my sin…
Feeling bad, writing my will and realizing my own sin
In this hell I´ve never been.

In the armchair I was sitting, grandmère used to sit here, knitting.
And again that strange noise comming, whimpering on the window sill.
I had to laugh when I spotted a black cat with collar dotted.
To me she looked strangely noted, I was thinking of it still
when she jumped down, landing gently, leaving marble window sill.
She sat down next to my will.

Her dark eyes on me were staring, this deep look we both were sharing.
Penetrating in my conscience, she kept looking just on me
„Who are you?“ my question spoken caused that silence now was broken.
With my own voice I was stroken… „Is it really you I see?
Why you came here, cat of darknes, and what is it that you see?“
And she replied: „He loves me.“

I was shocked, she said it proudly and I yelled in despair, loudly.
My shriek expressed ideally of this creature understanding.
To depths my soul started sinking, while the cat´s eyes on me blinking.
I was smaller now, still shrinking… Desperate looks to her sending.
„Go away, my adversary, you will just make my soul rending!
Does this torture have some ending?!“

With her presence I felt lonely, she kept staring at me only
three words from her muzzle comming, it was still her „he loves me“.
I knew ´bout who she was talking while around my will kept walking,
my eyes every movement stalking, and I wished this´d never be.
Hearing mantra she was saying for no one but only me
cruel truth, calm „he loves me.“

Just by words I couldn´t express why I was feeling so helpless.
„Go away and leave me alone, devil cat, I don´t like thee!“
Suddenly I saw some glitter, half-packed in my ruby slicker.
With this tool I feel so bitter… mem´ries bitter… they are free.
This hellish cat released them and uncovered that tool for me
Repeating still „he loves me.“

One moment of hesitation, then I kept hard concentration…
My hand sweating, reached and took it – took that god damned, shining tool.
„I killed thee,“ the cat was saying, dictating as I was praying,
with my eyes blurred I was swaying, and she ruled me… I´m a fool!
Shining blade comes to my finger, cutting it – oh yes, a fool!
When I´m signing… ´tis so cruel!

I realised, dots on collar in a size of smallish dollar
were blood stains – and I knew simply that she got them from my knife…
Knife that killed my adversary, killing her was necessary…
that´s why this all is so scary… and I knew I spoilt my life.
Now I signed my final sentencence, sentence of the end of life.
Lastly, I´m taking that knife…

For a while the cat kept poking in my chest where blood was soaking.
Making sure that I no longer belong to the world we see.
On the will the cat is lying, watching me as I am dying,
as my soul is slowly flying, leaving this world, leaving thee…
And the cat is softy puring her well-known words we all see,
her fearful mantra: „he loves me.“